I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
