Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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