I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what is it with giant penises always finding me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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