I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
