I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
