This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
wow bdsm is so cute
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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