he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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