I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
