you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
