I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
