Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
