I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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