Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
