I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
