when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
not ubering you a puppy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
