i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
