am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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