My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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