I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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