He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
