dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
