Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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