Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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