yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
