i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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