Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's shark week go big or go home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
