"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
