dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
