i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
