I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
