I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
