I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
