u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
