I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
