So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
