im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
