The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
