you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
