i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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