I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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