I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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