Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
