I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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