Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
