I wanna passion pit in your ass
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
