he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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