If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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