kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
