TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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