he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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