Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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