you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
