That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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