Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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