You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
