I seem to have left my pride at pride
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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