He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
