hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
