Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
two words...techno handjob
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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