my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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