I just saw a hot homeless man
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I deserve this hangover.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
