Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
