i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
