I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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